演讲简介
演讲者：Benjamin Hardy
语言：英语
简介：2019 | 为什么大多数人在减肥或者摆脱坏习惯方面都很困难？有没有可能摆脱不必要的退步，并永久改变我们的坏习惯呢？在这次演讲中，本杰明分享了100%原则，关如何做出彻底的改变不仅是可能的，而且是让人生更有意义、有目的的。
讲者简介：
作家，自2015年底以来，Hardy一直是Medium.com上阅读量最大的作家。他的作品已经被超过5000万人阅读，并登上了《福布斯》、《财富》、《今日心理学》等许多杂志，著有国际畅销书《意志力不起作用》
视频
演讲稿
This is my friend right here. His name is Tom Hartman. Tom is over 400 pounds, just barely got divorced, has very little confidence of what we’re just talking about. And he has a very persistent brother.
His brother has been trying to convince him for a few years to come to a motivational conference, actually by a person named Zig Ziglar. And this is a couple of decades ago.
After a lot of prodding, Tom finally gets convinced and he goes to this Zig Ziglar motivational conference. And he is not comfortable in that environment. It’s the last place he wants to be. He’s around all sorts of people who are motivated, all sorts of people who are excited. He sees this guy up on stage, cheering rah rah, and he’s just very uncomfortable.
And he’s very resistant actually to what’s being taught. But over time just listening over the first 90 minutes, Zig is upthere teaching about self-image, about how you see yourself, and about how most people view themselves in a very powerless way. They have a very negative story about themselves.
And how your story about who you are and how you see yourself is generally a direct correlation with how you perform in the world. How you see yourself is how you act.
And he was listening to these ideas and hewas hearing about how Zig was talking about how it’s important to go from powerlessness to powerful, where you see yourself not from your current circumstances but from the circumstances that you hope to have. And a lot ofhis shells got broken down during those first 90 minutes.
And actually after the first session heasked his brother, he said, “Is it all right if we go and buy some of the tapesthat are in the back?” Because there was tapes that he could buy near the end,and if he couldn’t afford it he had no money. He was pretty much out of a job,just got divorced. His whole life was kind of in shambles.
And his brother really liked the idea ofhim getting these tapes and so his brother got him the tapes. After theconference he ended up listening for five hours that day, seven hours the nextday and ended up listening for over and over. He was listening to these thingson repeat, essentially rewiring his belief system.
There’s a really good idea that your inputshapes your outlook, and your outlook shapes your behavior. And so he waschanging his input rather than listening to the radio or rather than listeningto things that were kind of low energy, low level. He was just listening tostuff that was completely retraining him to see himself differently.
Because of this input, he decided to dosomething very bold. And the bold behavior that he did ultimately led him tohaving a peak experience. And that peak experience altered his identity. Andthere’s a lot of really interesting science behind the bold behavior that he did.
So ultimately what happened was after abouta week of the Zig conference, he got the idea that he wanted to go and buy somesuits. He bought two very nice fitted suits. He actually had to put a downpayment on these suits… over $700. And he had them fitted. Obviously hecouldn’t have them fitted on himself but he bought two smaller suits.
And the person selling the suit said, “Tom,who are you buying these for?”
And he said, “Well, I’m buying them formyself.”
And the guy who was selling the suits hadto hold back a laugh because he just couldn’t believe it. You know, Tom wasstill over 400 pounds at the time.
But what’s very interesting about thisbehavior is, is that Tom was investing money into his future identity. He wasnot investing money into his current identity. And he was actually saying in avery real way with his words what he was going to do.
There’s a few things that are very powerfulabout this.
Number one is that the story that he wastelling to the clerk was a story based on his future, whereas all of thestories he had previously been telling people were based on his past. He wasexplaining himself in former conversations: This is why I am the way I am.
Now his story was: This is who I’m going tobe.
And there’s a lot of really interestingscience behind the idea of spending money on your goals. So for the last fouror five years I’ve been getting my PhD in organizational psychology. And one ofthe research studies that I did was studying the difference between wannabeentrepreneurs and actual entrepreneurs, people who had been successful.
And I asked them a bunch of questions,trying to figure out what is the difference between these two populations.
And one of the questions that I asked thewannabe entrepreneurs and the actual entrepreneurs was: Have you ever had apoint of no return experience?”
And almost all of the wannabe entrepreneurssaid no. A lot of them hinted to the idea that they hoped to have thatexperience one day.
Almost all of the entrepreneurs said yes,and not only were the entrepreneurs, I asked lots of authors, professionalpeople at all scales and they all said: “Yes. I’ve had them and at multiplestages have I had a point of no return experience.”
So my follow-up question was: Well, whathappened after that experience?
And actually I was interested firstly inwhat was that experience? What was the point of no-return? What created thatshift? Then my next question was what happened after that?
But I was kind of surprised, what oftencreated a point of no return experience was making a financial investment inthe goal.
So I interviewed like a 17 year oldentrepreneur, for example, and his point of no-return experience was when heand his friend… they were both seniors in high school… when they invest… theyput their money together their savings they invested $10,000 into a hugeshipment of shoes because they wanted to sell shoes.
And he said his point of no return wasfirst, when they spent the money but second, when a huge truck came andoffloaded basically a mountain of shoes. He said he realized that at that pointhe couldn’t go back. He couldn’t give the shoes back. He had this mountain ofshoes now completely filling his garage.
And basically at that moment his identityshifted. He said at that moment he realized that he was running a company, thathe was leading a company. And from that moment forward he acted from thatleadership role.
So he put himself in essentially a positionwhere he had to move forward. That’s why it was a point of no return, becausein a lot of ways he couldn’t actually go back. He couldn’t actually give theshoes back.
But what was more important about the pointof no return for the 17-year old and for Tom Hartman was, is that there was anidentity shift. There’s a really good quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes and hesays:
“A mind stretched by a new experience cannever go back to its former dimensions.”
So this episode of Tom led to actually amore profound peak experience that gave him the realization that his identityhad shifted, that he was no longer the person he had formerly been but now hewas this person who he envisioned himself to be.
So Tom was hanging out in a grocery store.He was actually in an aisle looking for food. And he… and a four-year-old girlwalked by with her mom. And the four-year-old girl said, “Mom, look there’s afat man.”
And Tom swung around and he looked, becausehe wasn’t sure who the girls talked about and he realized that there was no oneelse on the aisle. And it very quickly kicked in: this girl is talking aboutme.
And he just started laughing, like this wasthe first moment where it just hit him and he was just laughing, laughing,laughing, laughing. And then eventually a tear came to his eye. And he realizedat that moment that he no longer identified as a person who was overweight. Andat that moment he realized that he was going to succeed.
Fast forward 18 months, Tom Hartman haslost 175 pounds. He now weighs 225 pounds. He has started and successfullycreated a company and is becoming very successful. He’s become far morespiritual. He’s changed in every area of his life. He’s a totally differentperson.
How you do anything is how you doeverything. And in a lot of ways, Tom Hartman’s example is pretty much a veryclear case that things like fad diets, a 30-day diet, trying something for ayear is not a way to change your behavior because changing your behavior has tobe first to shift an identity.
When you shift your identity first, thenthe behavior that is up here where your goals are is in alignment with youridentity. If you keep your identity down here and you’re trying to act up here,then you’re actually acting in conflict with how you see yourself. And thatdoesn’t work.
So kind of to portray this example or totake this idea a little bit further, I want to introduce you to a person namedElco.
Elco is an entrepreneur from Amsterdam.He’s 38 years old and he as well has struggled with weight his entire life. Andhe’s always had a bad diet and he’s always had a story in his head that wasactually planted in there from his mom.
His mom told him when he was a teenagerthat they are the kind of people who always are going to struggle with weight,always struggle with food. And that was the idea that he had in his mind.
He actually also had the idea in his mindthat he was going to be able to potentially willpower his way to holding offjust self-destructive behavior until about his 40s 50s or 60s but then at thatpoint it would just go all downhill.
And because of his bad eating habits heactually struggled to sleep. He couldn’t sleep very well. And so one night hewas up all night struggling to sleep and a thought came to him. And he saidwhat would happen if I went back to eating nature. What if I just went back tonature and just ate clean.
And then a second thought popped into hishead and that thought was: what would happen if I did this for the rest of mylife. Rather than thinking what if I did this for like 30 days or what if I didthis for a year.
The question that really seized him waswhat would happen if I did this for the rest of my life. And as soon as he hadthat thought happening, sitting there laying in his bed and all of a sudden hehas like this vision, this picture in his mind of himself in his nineties,totally vibrant, totally healthy. He sees himself with his kids, his grandkids,and at that moment he just makes the shift.
From that moment he saw what was possibleand so he just committed to it. This was over a year ago and Elco has nottouched any bad food. Literally he’s one of the healthiest people I know.Hasn’t touched any bad food since then. He lives under the mantra: 100%commitment is easier than 98% commitment. That’s actually a quote from HarvardBusiness professor Clayton Christensen.
But that idea is also actually backed by alot of very interesting science in psychology. So again the quote is: 100% iseasier than 98%. And the reason why this is so important is because if you’reonly 98% committed to something, what that means is that you’re not actuallytruly committed. You’re not actually fully there. You haven’t actually made thedecision.
And if you haven’t made a decision aboutsomething, what that means is that you’re not actually sure what you’re goingto do. If Elco was only 98% committed and he was in an environment where hisfavorite dessert was served, then he would have to play a tug of war in hismind about what he was going to do: Do I eat it this time? Do I not eat it?
And that… right there, that mentaltug-of-war is called decision fatigue. Basically the idea of decision fatigueis… it’s another word for willpower. But it means you haven’t yet made a choiceand you’re not actually sure what you’re going to do. And because you’re notsure what you’re going to do, often the situation wins.
That’s one of the most consistent thingsthat’s found in social psychology, is that generally people are the byproductof their situation. And the reason for that is because people are not decided.
Michael Jordan actually had a very powerfulquote. Michael Jordan said: “Once I made a decision, I never thought about itagain.”
And kind of the Latin root of the worddecision means that once you make a decision you have to actually cut offalternative options.
And so because Elco made a 100% commitmentrather than a 98% commitment and he also shifted his identity by askinghimself: can I… he didn’t ask himself the question: could I do this for thenext 30 days? Because if you think about it, if you want to do something for 30days, then you definitely haven’t changed how you see yourself.
You’re basically saying I think I can dothis for about 30 days but then once that 30 days is over or that year is overI’m going to go right back to doing what I was. But maybe then I’ll have alittle bit more control.
That’s not what happened to Tom Hartman.That’s not what happened to Elco. And as a result, those two people, they made a fundamental… a permanent shift and because of that permanent shift their behavior just went in line.
I actually told the story of Elco to myfriend, his name is Nate Lambert. He was actually one of my professors. And Nate has also struggled with his weight his entire life.
And Nate and I were doing a one-yearsugar-free fast because Nate wanted to go sugar-free. Again he’d struggled withhis weight his whole life and I knew that it’s a lot easier for me to dosomething if someone like him is already doing it. He’s a very motivatedindividual.
But it’s also easier to do something likethat in twos. But after hearing Elco story I talked to Nate and I said, “Nate,why would you do something for a year for someone like you who knows that this is going to be something that’s going to potentially plague you for the rest of your life.” He’s like 38 years old. He struggled with this his whole life. Isaid “Why would you just do this for a year? What’s going to happen a year from now?”
And I told him about the idea of 100%commitment is easier than 98% commitment, and the difference between decisionand decision fatigue. Decision is the opposite of decision fatigue. Once you’veactually made the decision you no longer have to play the mental tug-of-war.For example, if you make a decision about when you’re going to wake up the nextday, you don’t push the snooze button.
If you haven’t made the decision the nightbefore, then when the alarm goes off you’re not really sure what you’re goingto do. Willpower often does not work.
And so because of that epiphany, that idea,Nate just sat with his wife, he made a list of the pros and cons of going refinedsugar free for the rest of his life. He asked himself the question: what wouldhappen if I did this for the rest of his life? What would happen if I did thisfor the rest of my life?
The list of cons was there, you know. Therewere certain social gatherings that he would miss, some few miss on some of thethings but the list of pros was fundamental. And the biggest pro was that hewould no longer have to think about it again.
Psychologists have found that on averagepeople have about 50,000 thoughts a day. And Nate said that about 40,000 ofthose thoughts were about food, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. And that’sessentially the nature of addiction, is that you can’t stop thinking about it.And he was very addicted to food.
And that’s why the Michael Jordan quote isso important, that once you make a decision you no longer have to think aboutit again. That was the biggest benefit of Nate just making this shift andsaying I’m no longer going to do this anymore. I don’t want to have to thinkabout this ever again.
And once he let that go and once Elco letthat go, and once Tom Hartman let that go, then all of a sudden, they were ableto be exactly who they wanted to be.
The problem with them trying to controltheir behavior, willpowering their way to change, maybe setting short goals isthat they never actually were able to let go of that thing that they wanted toget rid of that whole time. Once they were able to just make the shift in whothey were and how they saw themselves for the rest of their lives, once you’reable to actually make a decision and cut off the alternative option, bycommitting a 100%, then all of a sudden their mind was completely free and theyfelt so aligned with who they were that they started doing things that they’dbeen procrastinating for years.
Elco started a business that he had wantedto do for three years. Within a week of having that vision of seeing himself,he had already started. And since then he’s done all sorts of things that he’salways wanted to do.
Nate’s the same way. Ever since he’s beenable to let this thing go and he’s stopping… he’s no longer avoiding thebehavior that he hates and he’s now pursuing the life he loves because he’s soaligned with who he is and where he’s going and because the story he’s tellinghimself is based on that future not based on: Oh well this is why I am the wayI am, then all of a sudden he could be more courageous, he could be moreconfident.
The scientific definition of confidence isactually that confidence is the byproduct of prior performance. Once you startacting confidently or once you start acting powerfully, then you developconfidence.
And confidence then allows you to haveimagination; it allows you to see a bigger future; it allows you to believe inyourself. And confidence allows you to be creative.
So now kind of pushing this question onyou: What are some of the things that you’ve potentially been resisting? Whatare the things that you’ve been thinking about doing? And maybe they’ve been onyour mind for a long time. It could be an addiction that you’ve been thinkingabout, weighing in your mind for years. Maybe you’ve tried it for 30 days at atime. Maybe you’re going off of it for a year but you haven’t had that shift.
On the flip side: what are those thingsthat you’ve wanted to do for years that you’ve been thinking about? What arethose things… you know going back to my wannabe entrepreneurs, what are those…a lot of those wannabe entrepreneurs who I interviewed had been thinking aboutthis for years.
It actually took me years to get to thepoint where I jumped off the cliff and it all starts with the financialinvestment, it all starts with shifting your story and shifting your identity.You can’t do it through willpower. You have to do it through who you’re goingto be.
Thank you.
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