这篇雅思小作文是典型的折线图。不过相比于我们平时看到的那种比较平滑的图形,这幅图的曲折有点多。我们在写作的时候要注意忽略太过琐碎的细节,更加注重整体的趋势。
分类比较方面,只有鸡肉是上升的,可以作为单独的一组;牛肉、羊肉和鱼肉都在下降。其中牛肉和羊肉的趋势有比较一致,可以将它们结合在一起描述,将鱼肉单独拿出来。除此之外,我们在描述折线图的时候要注意顶点、交叉等信息。当然,这些只是老烤鸭小编自己的意见,下面让我们看看考官是怎么说的。
点击查看其他考官范文分析:剑桥雅思考官范文最全总结
The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates changes in the amounts of beef, lamb, chicken, and fish consumed in a particular European country between 1979 and 2004.
In 1979 beef was by far the most popular of these foods, with about 225 grams consumed per person per week. This article is from Laokaoya website. Lamb and chicken were eaten in similar quantities (around 150 grams), while much less fish was consumed (just over 50 grams).
However, during this 25-year period, the consumption of beef and lamb fell dramatically to approximately 100 grams and 55 grams respectively. The consumption of fish also declined, but much less significantly to just below 50 grams, so although it remained the least popular food, consumption levels were the most stable.
The consumption of chicken, on the other hand, showed an upward trend, overtaking that of lamb in 1980 and that of beef in 1989. By 2004 it had soared to almost 250 grams per person per week.
Overall, the graph shows how the consumption of chicken increased dramatically while the popularity of these other foods decreased over the period.
Task achievement
1. 数据选取方面。文章描述了四种食物的起始状态与最后一年的状态,并选取了鸡肉超过牛肉和羊肉的日期。
可见在折线图这种题型中,起始数据、结束数据以及中间交叉点是比较重要的地方,大家一定要记着写出来。
2. 文章最后一句对整篇内容进行了总结。指出鸡肉消耗量整体上升,而其他肉类的消耗量则持续下降。
这句总结十分关键,几乎是小作文5分和6分的分水岭。
3. 文章对数据进行了合理的对比。初始阶段说明文章来自老烤鸭雅思羊肉和鸡肉比较相似,而鱼肉较少。中间阶段说明鱼肉的发展趋势与牛肉和羊肉类似,但幅度较小,同时仍然是消耗量最低的食物;而鸡肉单列,重点说明超过牛肉和羊肉的时间。
比较角度包括:数据相似,大小差异,发展趋势异同等。
Coherence and Cohesion
1. 文章逻辑结构合理。第一自然段转述题目,第二自然段描述初始状态,第三自然段描述牛肉、鸡肉、鱼肉这三种普遍下降的情况,第四自然段描述鸡肉这种独自上升的情况,最后一段总结。每一段都有自己的重点和分段依据。
2. 文章主要使用各种各样连接词。比如第二段的while,第三段的however, also, but, so, although,第四段的on the other hand等。
Lexical Resource
文章用词丰富。尤其是consumption使用了各种各样的替换,具体词汇短语总结请参考下方“高分词汇短语”部分。
Grammatical Range
语法结构方面,文章主要使用各种各样的并列结构,多用and, but, while连接。除此之外各种各样介词短语,补语的使用,让句子更加灵活多变一些。
consumption = amount = consumed = quantity 消耗量的替换词
illustrate v. 说明,可以用了替换show
dramatically adv. 显著地
respectively adv. 分别
most/least popular 表示事物受欢迎程度,用来替换数量最大和最小
show an upward trend 上升
overtake v. 超过
soar v. 上升
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