【亲子】不要在怒气中管教孩子Stop Yelling at your kids

Discipline: Stop Yelling at your kids!!

管教：不要在怒气中管教孩子

孩子很容易就能触动我们的怒气。当孩子们还年幼的时候, 他们会打破东西，说不合宜的话，做一些他们明知是错的事情。

大一些的孩子照常也会犯错。当他们没把他们该做的事情做好时（例如他们的家庭作业，一些琐碎小事或收拾他们的烂摊子），的确会令人感到沮丧和懊恼。

对我们来讲(特别是爸爸们)，我们很容易就会对我们的孩子发脾气。很不幸的是，这是我们时常会犯的一个很大的错误。

当我们管教孩子的时候，必须要管理好我们的情绪，以下是三个非常重要的原因：

1.我们必须为我们的孩子树立一个好的榜样，情绪失控绝不可能树立好的榜样。

2.我们必须谨记管教是帮助我们的孩子学习和成长，管教的主要目的不是给孩子造成痛苦的体验，而是帮助他们认识现实生活的法则——行为必定带来后果。

3.我们需要要求他们道歉，并寻求原谅，当他们愿意这么做的时候，我们要饶恕他们。如果我们内心充满极大的愤怒，我们很难让孩子们看到我们的爱，也很难让他们为所犯的错请求原谅，我们也很难发自内心的接受孩子的道歉。

感到生气是很正常的，尤其是当孩子打破了你最好的手表或窗户时（当我只有几岁的时候我用锤子做过类似的事）。如果你需要时间“控制”你的情绪...给你的孩子5-10分钟的时间安静反思。趁此时间，你可以试图控制你的情绪。然后你可以严肃的，但是声音平和的和你的孩子谈一谈，帮助他/她认识到所犯的错误，为什么他们必须要为自己的行为道歉，他们需要怎么做才是正确的。

行为必定带来后果。如果我们对我们的孩子发脾气，在怒气中对他们大吼或打他们——我们这些负面的行为也必定会带来负面的后果。

我的朋友，请尽量避免这么做，记住管教的10:1原则。在你所做的所有事上给你的孩子做好的榜样，包括对他们的管教方式。

最后，请你花几秒时间，分享此文给三位好友或朋友圈，我们真的需要学习如何更好的管教孩子。谢谢！！

Gregory 史雷顿大使

关于作者:

尊敬的Grgeory W. Slayton曾任前美国大使，是美国常春藤联盟和北京大学的教授，同时也担任Slayton Capital的总裁。他与妻子结婚25年，育有四个非常优秀的孩子，目前他们生活在中国和北美两地。他也是《成就好爸爸》一书的作者，此书是国际上最畅销的书。点击此链接您可以购买本书的简体中文版(www.familyfirstchina.cn). 他们在美国刚出版了写给妈妈的新书《Be the Best Mom You Can Be》(www.bethebestmomyoucanbe.com)），此书的中文版将会在2015年下半年出版。 Slayton的所有书籍的收入将用于支持家庭事工机构。

英文原文：

Discipline: What NOT to Do!!

It is very easy for us to get mad at our kids. Young kids break things, say things that are completely in appropriate and do things that they know are wrong attimes.

Older kids frequently do things to themselves and others that are wrong. But they can also be frustrating in what they do not do (like their homework or their choresor just picking up their own mess).

Net-net:it is very easy for us (especially us Dads) to lose our temper with our children. Unfortunately, that is almost always a big mistake.

We must keep our own emotions under control when ever we discipline. This is important for three reasons:

1. We must set a good example for our children. Losing control of our emotions is never a good example.

2. We must remember that discipline is about helping our children learn and grow. The primary goal is not to inflict suffering but to help them realize that in real life their actions will have consequences.

3. We need to be able to ask them to apologize and then forgive them when they do. If we have great anger in our hearts we make it harder for them to see our love and to apologize for what they did wrong. And we make it harder for ourselves to accept their apologies from our heart.

It’s normal to get angry when our children break our best watch or a window(something I myself did with a hammer when I was just a few years old). If you need time to ‘get a grip’ on your emotions…give your child a time out for 5 or 10 minutes while you get your emotions under control. Then you can talk with your child in a firm but calm voice and help him/her realize the mistake they made,why they must apologize and what they need to do to set it right.

Actions have consequences. If we lose our temper with our children and start screamingor hitting them out of anger – those negative actions will have negative consequences.

Don’t do it my friend. Remember the 10 to 1 Rule. And set a good example for your kids in all you do, including discipline.

Gregory

The Honorable Gregory W. Slayton is a former US Ambassador, Ivy League and Beida Professor and the Managing Director of Slayton Capital. He and his wife of 25 years have four great kids and split their time between Greater China and North America. Their book “Be aBetter Dad Today” is an international best-seller. TheSimplified Chinese version of the book is available here(www.familyfirstchina.cn). They have also just published a book for Moms: “Be the Best Mom You Can Be” from Harper Collins (www.bethebestmomyoucanbe.com) The Chinese version of this book should be available in late 2015. As with all the Slayton’sbook – they are giving all royalty profits to Christian charities that serve at-risk families.