来源/有道词典
We've all said things that people interpreted much differently than we thought they would. These seemingly benign comments lead to the awful feeling that comes only when you've planted your foot firmly in your mouth.
我们都曾说过一些话，在经由他人的解读后偏差大得出乎想象。当你说错话是时，一些貌似善意的话语也会令别人感觉很不舒服。
Verbal slip-ups often occur because we say things without knowledge of the subtle implications they carry. Understanding these implications requires social awareness--the ability to pick up on the emotions and experiences of other people.
TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and discovered that social awareness is a skill in which many of us are lacking.
言语上的差错常常出现，因为我们在说话时并不知道话中所隐含的意义。理解这些含义需要有社交意识------理解他人的情感与感受的能力。TalentSmart曾对超过1百万的人的情商做过测试，并发现社交意识是我们很多人所缺乏的。
We lack social awareness because we're so focused on what we're going to say next--and how what other people are saying affects us--that we completely lose sight of other people.
我们缺乏社交意识是因为我们太关注我们接下来要说什么---以及别人说的话如何影响我们---因此我们就彻底忽略了别人。
This becomes a problem because people are complicated. You can't hope to understand someone until you focus all of your attention in his or her direction. The beauty of social awareness is that a few simple adjustments to what you say can vastly improve your relationships with other people.
由于人是复杂的，这也就成了一个难题。 直到你集中全部精力于他或她身上，你才能理解一个人。社会意识的美妙就在于，只对你说的话进行一点小小的改变，就能很大地改善你和他人的关系。
There are some phrases that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in casual conversation. The following phrases are nine of the worst offenders. You should avoid them at all costs.
这里有一些情商高的人在聊天中会小心避免的话。以下是最冒犯人之话语中的九句。你应当竭尽所能的避免它们。
1. 'You look tired.'
1．“你看起来很累。”
Tired people are incredibly unappealing--they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating, and they're as grouchy as they come. Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.
疲惫的人可是毫无吸引力的---他们目光呆滞，头发凌乱，难以集中注意力，而且还闷闷不乐。告诉别人他看起来很累至少是意味着以上所有意思了。
Instead say: 'Is everything OK?' Most people ask if someone is tired because they're intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other person is OK). Instead of assuming someone's disposition, just ask. This way, he can open up and share. More important, he will see you as concerned instead of rude.
而你可以说，“一切都还好吗？”多数人询问他人是否感觉疲惫是因为他们打算提供帮助（他们想要知道别人是否还好）。不要假定别人的状态，而是要直接询问。这么做，可以令他打开心扉来与你分享。更重要的是，他会觉得你很关心人而不是没有礼貌。
2. 'Wow, you've lost a ton of weight!'
2．“喔，你瘦了超多啊！”
Once again, a well-meaning comment--in this case a compliment--creates the impression that you're being critical. Telling someone that she has lost a lot of weight suggests that she used to look fat or unattractive.
又是这种情况，一句善意的评价-----在这里是一句赞美---却给人留下了你为人刻薄的印象。告诉别人她瘦了很多暗示着她曾经很胖或是不好看。
Instead say: 'You look fantastic.' This one is an easy fix. Instead of comparing how she looks now with how she used to look, just compliment her for looking great. It takes the past right out of the picture.
而你可以说：“你看起来太棒了。”很容易就可以给这句话换个说法。就只是单单赞美她看起来很美，而不是将她和她过去的样子做比较。这样一来就和过去一刀两断了。
3. 'You were too good for her anyway.'
3．“反正她也配不上你。”
When someone is in a relationship of any type, personal or professional, this comment implies he has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.
Instead say: 'Her loss!' This provides the same enthusiastic support and optimism without any implied criticism.
当一个人正处于某一种关系当中时，无论是个人的或是工作上的，这句评论暗示着他品味很差，并且做出了很糟糕的选择。你可以换言之：“是她的损失啦！”这样既可以表达同样有力的支持和乐观的精神，还不会显得刻薄。
4. 'You always ...' or 'You never ...'
4．“你总是。。。”或者“你从不。。。”
No one always or never does anything. People don't see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn't attempt to define them as such. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phrases when you have something important to discuss
没有人会总是或是从不做什么事。人们不会把自己看成一个行事单一的人，.因此你也不应当试图去这样定义他们。这种话会令人心生戒备，并且屏蔽你说的话，这样以来就糟糕了，因为你很可能是在讨论重要的事情时用到这些词。
Instead: Simply point out what the other person did that's a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can always say 'It seems like you do this often' or 'You do this often enough for me to notice.'
相反，你可以：简单地指出来别人做的什么事令你为难。事实就是。如果这件事发生的频率造成了困扰的话，你总是可以说“你看起来常常这么做”或者“你这么做已经频繁到足以引起我的注意了。
5. 'You look great for your age.'
5．“你在你这个年龄看起来很不错了。”
Using 'for your' as a qualifier always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on death's door. People simply want to be smart and fit.
Instead say: 'You look great.' This one is another easy fix. Genuine compliments don't need qualifiers.
将“对于你们…来说”作为一个限定词总是会显得很冒犯和无礼。没人希望自己只有当被看作是运动员时才显得聪明，或是只在和其他病入膏肓的人相比较时才能看起来状态不错。人们只是简单地希望自己是聪明和健康的。你可以换句话说：“你看起来棒极了！”这也是个很容易就能让话听着更顺耳的例子。真诚的赞美是不需要限定词的。
6. 'As I said before ...'
6．“像我之前说过的。。。”
We all forget things from time to time. This phrase implies that you're insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is genuinely interested in hearing your perspective). Getting insulted over having to repeat yourself suggests that either you're insecure or you think you're better than everyone else (or both!). But few people who use this phrase actually feel this way.
我们都会常常忘记事情。这句话暗示了你为不得不重复自己的话而感到被冒犯，这一点令听者很为难（他是真心想要听听你的想法）。为重复自己的话而感到被冒犯暗示着要么你是不确定，要么你认为你比其他任何人都强（或者两者都有）。但是说这种话的人很少有真是这么想的。
Instead: When you say it again, see what you can do to convey the message in a clearer and more interesting manner. This way the person you're speaking to will remember what you said.
而你可以这么做：当你在重复时，看看怎样能更加清楚并有趣地表达信息。这样以来，听你讲话的人将会记住你说的话。
7. 'Good luck.'
7.“祝你好运”
This is a subtle one. It certainly isn't the end of the world if you wish someone good luck, but you can do better because this phrase implies that they need luck to succeed.
Instead say: 'I know you have what it takes.'
这句话有些微妙。如果你祝福别人好运时，这么说当然不会很糟，但是你可以有更好的说法，因为这句话暗示着他们成功还要靠运气。取而代之，你可以说，“我知道你的能力足矣了。”
This is better than wishing her luck because suggesting that she has the skills needed to succeed provides a huge boost of confidence. You'll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes her luck.
这么说要比祝她好运更好，因为说她拥有成功所需要的能力可以使她的自信心爆棚。你会从那些只是简单地祝她好运的人中脱颖而出。
8. 'It's up to you' or 'Whatever you want.'
8.“这取决于你”或是“随你意。”
While you may be indifferent to the question, your opinion is important to the person asking (or else he wouldn't have asked you in the first place).
虽然你可能对于问题持中立意见，但是你的意见对于询问的人很重要。（否则他不会先来问你的意见）。
Instead say: 'I don't have a strong opinion either way, but a couple things to consider are ...' When you offer an opinion (even without choosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.
而你可以说：“我不特别倾向于任何一方，但是可以考虑一下这么几点…..”当你提出看法时（即使不站在任何一边），这说明了你在乎向你询问的那个人。
9. 'Well, at least I've never ...'
9.“嗯，至少我从来没有……”
This phrase is an aggressive way to shift attention away from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven her for by now).
这句话显得你急于想通过指出别人曾犯的陈年老旧且毫不相干的错误（而且是你应该现在已经原谅了的她的错误），而把注意力从你犯的错误上转移走。
Instead say: 'I'm sorry.' Owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, calm place so that you can work things out. Admitting guilt is an amazing way to prevent escalation.
而你应该说：“对不起。”承认自己的错误是为谈话创造更加理性和冷静的氛围的最好方法，这样你们才能够解决问题。承认错误是避免问题恶化的非常好的策略。
In everyday conversation, it's the little things that make all the difference. Try these suggestions out, and you'll be amazed at the positive response you get.
在日常的谈话中，一点小小的改变就可以令一切完全不同。尝试一下这些建议，你将会被你得到的积极反馈而惊喜到哦。
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