My wife, my children, and coffee.
My wife: After twelve years of marriage—which seemed to carry decades worth of happiness and good times, as well as troubles and challenges—my wife and are very much co-dependent. I rely on her for managing our home, our small business, our children’s schedules, and for providing me with love and acceptance. She is the rock on which our family is built; the ear on which I relinquish my frustrations, doubts, and fears; the shoulder on which I cry; and most of all my partner in all things good and bad, all times joyful and sorrowful. She in turn relies on me to provide financially, domestically, and emotionally. We build each other up, hold each other up, and stand together as a unit in one sense or another in every area of our lives.
There are many, including those close to us, who frown on this type of relationship. Some see it as outdated, un-evolved, or even anti-feminist. They encourage us to be more independent, even to spend more time apart. But we don’t care. In fact, we see that as absurd. No successful business partnership has every partner working independently from each other. The roles are divided, the strengths and talents combined to achieve profitable margins. Similarly, we play our roles towards the success of our family’s best interests. We divide our talents and strengths to try and attain prosperity in every facet of our lives. We work together as a team to do our best version of, well, life. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but we’re very happy, and our children are very well-adjusted.
My children: It may be odd to think that I would lean on my children daily, when the nature of the relationship is for children to lean on their parents. This is very much how healthy parent-child relationships are structured (particularly when speaking of minor children, not adult children who are caring for their elderly parents). And my children do lean on me daily, or more precisely on my wife and I, as the parental unit that we operate as, not always a well-oiled machine but overall effective and usually operating on the same page. However, the fact that my children rely on me so much is a daily motivator for me, a reason to work hard and be accountable. It also provides me with a lot of joy.
I realized at some point that certain people really need a family to be happy. I am one of those people. In my life as a wild and crazy bachelor, I was always on the hunt for happiness. I sought fulfillment through relationships, material goods, and substance abuse. But the happiness created through these avenues—or, more precisely, dead-ends—was temporary at best. Yes, I created some lasting friendships, intimate even, but that only goes so far towards spiritual fulfillment. I even spent a lot of time serving others. But at the end of the day, there was only me, alone with my thoughts and feelings. Having a family gave me a purpose, and motivated me to do better. To seek further education and vocational promotion. To fix those parts of me that didn’t function well, physically, mentally, and emotionally. In essence, to be better. That’s what having a family has done for me, made me a better man.
Coffee: Yes, this is probably anti-climactic, following all of the emotional soul-seeking that preceded it. It is for that reason though that it’s at the bottom of this short list. In reading the question though, the key word being “daily,” I have to admit that coffee definitely belongs on this list. My morning cup of coffee has become a staple of my daily routine, a signal to my body and soul that it’s time to wake up, rub my eyes, shake off the sweet sands of sleep, and move forward to a day of productivity and prosperity. It is more than a jolt of caffeine, it is a symbol of new day. The smell invigorates me. The taste satisfies me. The routine grounds me.
Similarly, I enjoy a good cup of decaf in the evenings. As much as it has become a part of my identity, I think my children have come to count on this as well. Most evenings, after enjoying a family dinner and rich conversation, we stay gathered around the table for a quick Bible study and a round of games, often accompanied by a bit of dessert. My evening cup of decaf is as much a part of this routine as the cat sitting on my daughter’s feet, his preferred place of leisure for this time of evening. So much so has my beverage predictability preceded in me reputation that if I do not enjoy a cup with our games and dessert the kids will ask me if I’m feeling okay. I think the smell of hot-roasted Kona beans gives them a sense of security, a feeling that all is right in our home and by extension the world.
I know it does for me.
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