让招生官在10秒内就决定发offer的文书长什么样？

暑假要到啦

同学们都开始准备文书了吗？

你的头发还好吗？

别急！

多所院校公布了已录取学生的优秀文书

有的还贴心附带了招生老师的精彩点评

这有没有一点像你们班最厉害的学霸对你说：

“我的作业，给你抄~”

准备申请的同学还不赶紧收藏了！

范文赏析

约翰霍普金大学公布了5届被录取学生的范文。

每篇范文后，还会附上老师的点评：

我们看一下其中一篇的文书——

Time to Spin the Wheel

For as long as I can remember, one of my favorite pastimes has been manipulating those tricky permutations of 26 letters to fill in that signature, bright green gridded board of Wheel of Fortune.

Every evening at precisely 6:30 p.m., my family and I unfailingly gather in our living room in anticipation of Pat Sajak’s cheerful announcement: “It’s time to spin the wheel!” And the game is afoot, our banter punctuated by the potential of either big rewards or even bigger bankruptcies: “She has to know that word—my goodness, why is she buying a vowel?!”

While a game like Wheel of Fortune is full of financial pitfalls, I wasn’t ever much interested in the money or new cars to be won. I found myself drawn to the letters and playful application of the English alphabet, the intricate units of language.

For instance, phrases like “I love you,” whose incredible emotion is quantized to a mere set of eight letters, never cease to amaze me. Whether it’s the definitive pang of a simple “I am” or an existential crisis posed by “Am I”, I recognized at a young age how letters and their order impact language.

Spelling bees were always my forte. I’ve always been able to visualize words and then verbally string individual consonants and vowels together. I may not have known the meaning of every word I spelled, I knew that soliloquy always pushed my buttons: that -quy ending was so bizarre yet memorable! And intaglio with its silent “g” just rolled off the tongue like cultured butter.

Eventually, letters assembled into greater and more complex words.

I was an avid reader early on, devouring book after book. From the Magic Treehouse series to the too real 1984, the distressing The Bell Jar, and Tagore’s quaint short stories, I accumulated an ocean of new words, some real (epitome, effervescence, apricity), and others fully fictitious (doubleplusgood), and collected all my favorites in a little journal, my Panoply of Words.

Add the fact that I was raised in a Bengali household and studied Spanish in high school for four years, and I was able to add other exotic words. Sinfin, zanahoria, katukutu, and churanto soon took their rightful places alongside my English favorites.

And yet, during this time of vocabulary enrichment, I never thought that Honors English and Biology had much in common. Imagine my surprise one night as a freshman as I was nonchalantly flipping through a science textbook. I came upon fascinating new terms: adiabatic, axiom, cotyledon, phalanges…and I couldn’t help but wonder why these non-literary, seemingly random words were drawing me in. These words had sharp syllables, were challenging to enunciate, and didn’t possess any particularly abstract meaning.

I was flummoxed, but curious…I kept reading.

“Air in engine quickly compressing…”

“Incontestable mathematical truth…”

“Fledgling leaf in an angiosperm…”

“Ossified bones of fingers and toes…

…and then it hit me. For all my interest in STEM classes, I never fully embraced the beauty of technical language, that words have the power to simultaneously communicate infinite ideas and sensations AND intricate relationships and complex processes.

Perhaps that’s why my love of words has led me to a calling in science, an opportunity to better understand the parts that allow the world to function. At day’s end, it’s language that is perhaps the most important tool in scientific education, enabling us all to communicate new findings in a comprehensible manner, whether it be focused on minute atoms or vast galaxies.

It’s equal parts humbling and enthralling to think that I, Romila, might still have something to add to that scientific glossary, a little permutation of my own that may transcend some aspect of human understanding. Who knows, but I’m definitely game to give the wheel a spin, Pat, and see where it takes me…

■ 招生委员会点评：

Curtis把自己比作复调音乐来表达他是如何同时拥有多重身份的：音乐家、英国学者、电影制片人和贝克手等等。

我们不仅通过他的写作了解了他的性格，而且还了解到Curtis是什么样的学生——他是一个跨学科思考、有创造性抱负的人，以及一个想为社会做出贡献的人。

这些是我们作为一个院校所重视的品质；这篇文章帮助我们认识到他就是霍普金斯大学想要的人。

■ 阅读更多范文：

https://apply.jhu.edu/application-process/essays-that-worked/

康涅狄格学院公布了该校过去4年、大约20篇优秀的文书范文。 

同时招办主任还给出了对于文书写作的建议：

小编经过汇总，总结为以下几点：

1.及早开始，给自己预留足够的时间；

2.如果你觉得没有充分的人生经历，那么就写当下你认为重要的事情；如果你没有国际性规模的活动，那么就写一些对你意义非凡的事情；

3.你可以向你亲密的朋友寻求反馈，但要注意文书的书写掌握在自己的手中，不要让别人告诉你，你应该写一些什么。

■ 阅读更多范文：

https://www.conncoll.edu/admission/apply/essays-that-worked/

哈佛大学校报公布了10篇成功申请到哈佛大学的优秀范文。

除了原文之外，还会写上相应申请者的居住地、就读高中、性别、成绩、活动、奖项、专业等其他基本信息，最后会附上招生官对于文书的点评。

小编摘录了其中一篇，供大家学习——

The summer after my freshman year, I found myself in an old classroom holding a blue dry erase-marker, realizing what should have been obvious: I had no idea how to be a teacher. As an active speech and debate competitor, I was chosen as a volunteer instructor for an elementary public speaking camp hosted by my high school. For the first time, I would have the opportunity to experience the classroom from the other side of the teacher’s desk. My responsibility was simple: in two weeks, take sixteen fifth graders and turn them into confident, persuasive speakers.

I walked into class the first morning, enthusiastically looking forward to the opportunity to share my knowledge, experiences, and stories. I was hoping for motivated kids, eager to learn, attentive to my every word.

Instead, I got Spencer, who thought class was a good time to train his basketball skills by tossing crumpled speeches into the trash can from afar. I got Monica, who refused to speak, and I got James, who didn’t understand the difference between “voice projection” and “screaming.” I got London, who enjoyed doodling on her desk with permanent marker, and I got Arnav, who thought I wouldn’t notice him playing Angry Birds all day. The only questions I got were “When’s lunch break?” and “Why are you giving us homework?” and the only time I got my students to raise their hands was when I asked “How many of you are only here because your parents forced you to?”

Just ten minutes into class, two things hit me: Spencer’s crumpled paper ball, and the realization that teaching was hard.

When I was younger, I thought that a good teacher was one that gave high-fives after class. Later, of course, I knew it was far more complicated than that. I thought about teachers I admired and their memorable qualities. They were knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and inspiring. Their classes were always fun, and they always taught me something.

There was plenty I wanted to teach, from metaphors to logical fallacies. But most importantly, I wanted my students to enjoy public speaking, to love giving speeches as much as I did. And that’s when I realized the most important quality of my favorite teachers: passion. They loved their subject and passed that love on to their students. While it wouldn’t be easy, I wanted to do the same.

Every day for two weeks, I searched for creative ways to inspire and teach my students. I helped London speak on her love for art; I had Arnav debate about cell phone policies in schools. And by the end of the camp, I realized that my sixteen students all saw me not as a high school student, but as a teacher. I took their questions, shared my enthusiasm, and by the time camp was over, they weren’t just learning, but enjoying learning.

I was on the other side of the teacher’s desk, but I hadn’t stopped learning. Each day, I was learning how to communicate more effectively, how to deal with new challenges and circumstances, and how to be a better teacher. I once thought that being an adult meant knowing all the answers. But in reality, adults, even teachers, constantly have more to learn. I made the transition away from being a child during those weeks, but I did not and would not transition away from being a learner.

When class ended each afternoon, I would cap my blue dry-erase marker, give high-fives to the students as they walked out the door, and watch as their parents picked them up. I was confident that when my students were asked the inevitable questions of “Did you learn something today?” and “Did you have fun?” their answers would be a resounding yes. And even as their teacher, I learned and had fun too.

■ 招生委员会点评：

菲利普对主题的选择是经过深思熟虑的：他没用任何浮华的情节使我们眼花缭乱，也没有试图通过展示成就来让人感到震惊。相反，他选择了一个简单的成功故事——他与孩子们在公共演讲夏令营工作的经历，而这突出了他的个人成长。

故事有一个完整的主线，有明确的开头、中间和结尾。Phillip描述了一组独特的观点，这些观点描述了他短暂的教学生涯的每一个阶段，并细致地描述了每一个阶段的典型时刻。开头和结尾之间也相互关联（例如蓝色标记），让读者有一种终结感和满足感。

此外，菲利普在故事中语言运用的很好。他的幽默感是自然的，他能够让读者意识到他的积极品质，而不自吹自擂或故作姿态；他通过故事和主题向我们展示这些品质，而不是直接的干巴巴的强调。他的写作自信而清晰，紧紧围绕着主旨。

值得注意的是，即使菲利普的故事描述了一个获得成功的故事，但并不意味着一篇好的文书一定要是讲述你的成功经历。如果你试图编造一个成功的故事，你的故事会显得非常不真诚。其实你还可以在很多地方列出你的成就！

■ 阅读更多范文：

https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2018/

塔夫茨大学不仅公布了Common App里的文主文书，还公布了Why Tufts等附加文书范文。

■ 阅读更多范文：

https://admissions.tufts.edu/apply/advice/past-essays/

位于纽约州的著名文理学院 ——汉密尔顿学院公布了四届学生优秀的文书范文。分别是2007届、2008届、2012届和2022届，共30篇左右。

■ 阅读更多范文：

https://www.conncoll.edu/admission/apply/essays-that-worked/

关于文书，招生官这样说

U.S.News 采访了一些全美排名前15的综合性大学及文理学院的招生官们，请他们分享什么样的大学申请文书能脱颖而出。这些专家给出的建议可谓是多年经验总结的肺腑之言。

关键词：诚实地对待自己

Sam Prouty

高级招生助理指导明德学院

Prouty说有的大学文书是真的有意思。去年，他读到一篇文书，学生写自己热衷于收集pez糖，他甚至有自己专门的存储间。每当这位学生向人们展示这种热情时，别人都会对此表示奇怪。而作者恰恰用有趣的方式看待人们的不解。

不仅是这篇文书的内容，更是它的叙述方式引起了Prouty的注意。

“文书并不是用来证明你和别人一样的。恰恰相反，我们想了解你的怪癖，你的个性，”他说，“如果你很有趣，你就应该展现出有趣的一面，如果你不会搞笑，你大可不必去尝试，但如果你有讲故事的欲望，那么请把你的故事告诉我们。”

关键词：紧密关联

Jarrid Whitney

招生执行主任和金融援助加州理工

加州理工的申请者需要展现他们对数学和科学的热情，但并不一定需要通过有组织的校园活动来展现，可以是修车库，或做计算机。

Whitney 读了许多文书都是讲自己还是孩童时就喜欢玩乐高（一种益智积木玩具），于是长大后渴望成为一名工程师，但这两件事的关联性不强。最好的关于乐高的文书，是将乐高与真实经历联结得更紧密的那些。

关键词：不要过度思考

Lee Coffin

招生执行主任和金融援助达特茅斯学院

有一篇文书吸引了Coffin的注意，申请者写自己在一个剧场里扮演一个幕后角色的故事。这篇文书非常详尽地描述了他将在校园里扮演的角色，以及他为什么想学习戏剧。

Coffin说，有时候，申请者们在寻找让招生官“WOW”的元素。他们也许会创造一个完美但空洞的故事，一直到结束也没写出任何有看头的东西。

关键词：讲一个好故事

Parke Muth

弗吉尼亚大学的国际学生录取主管

“大多数学生觉得个人申请论文要写得像一部史诗般的电影，要概述人生所有的高潮，其中大部分高潮还是悲剧性的。这种想法的问题在于要用区区650字概述你的一生就像是用长镜头来拍电影一样。我们录取官只能看到远处地平线上几个模模糊糊，很渺小的影子，离得太远，看不清楚。'

我总是跟学生说，写大学个人申请不是拍电影而是拍广告。我阅读一篇个人申请所花的时间大概和看一个耐克公司的广告一样长。我很喜欢看耐克公司的广告，究其原因不是因为他们花数年的时间来找到最好的素材，而是因为耐克广告里有大量的近镜头特写和运动员流的汗。。。

我（作为录取官员）能不能听到，看见，触摸，品尝甚至闻到你所代表的世界？ 不是整个的世界，而是其中的一个小角落。让（论文中）一个时刻表达一个更高的意义。就像诗人所说的，“用一粒沙代表一个世界”。

拥有十年顶尖美本申请经验的Brian创办的棒呆美本一站式服务，在长期实践中积累了大量高端留学申请、规划和后续服务方面的领先经验和丰富资源。学生将在顾问的指导下全程参与，全面提升国际竞争力！

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