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Mother's Characters Will
Influence Children's Development
不知大家是否留心过很多名人传记中是怎么描写母亲的：母亲温柔，贤惠，善解人意，她始终默默地为孩子奉献而毫无怨言，母亲坚强，善良，有主见，好像没有什么事情可以难倒母亲的……这些文字是不是很熟悉？因为孩子在幼小时对母亲有着本能的依赖，所以，母亲的性格，语言和行为会影响孩子的一生。
Has anybody paid attention to how celebrities describe their mothers in their biographies: my mother is a gentle, virtuous, understanding person. She is always devoted herself to children without any complains. My mother is strong, kind and strong-minded. It seems nothing can ever beat her…… Does this sound familiar? At young age, children instinctively rely on their mother. Therefore, mothers’characters, words and behavior will influence children's whole life.
上述的意思绝不是要求母亲放弃工作而回家做全职太太，而是指现在的母亲不能把家和工作单位同等对待，把孩子当成下属或者对手来对待，孩子幼小稚嫩的心灵需要母亲的呵护，培育。经常能看到这样的情况：
母亲雷厉风行，孩子却慢慢吞吞
母亲坚决果断，孩子却患得患失
母亲呼风唤雨，孩子却胆小怕事
母亲争强好胜，孩子却不求上进
What I mentioned above does not mean you have to become a housewife instead of working. It means that mothers should not treat family as they do at work, especially treating kids like subordinates or opponents. Kids’ innocent hearts need to be taken good care of. What we usually see is
Mother is vigorous, but her kid is slow;
Mother is resolute, but her kid is always hesitated;
Mother is powerful,but her kid is timid and overcautious;
Mother is feisty, but her kid does not seek progress.
那么，如何才能是孩子的性格习惯不往母亲性格的反方向发展并承袭母亲的优点呢?最好的方法就是母亲在孩子面前必须收敛起自己的锋芒，成为真正意义上的母亲。母亲在孩子面前，不是在谈判桌前，不需要用批评，挑剔和要求完美的眼光去看待孩子，母亲咄咄逼人的态度，尖酸刻薄的语言，驾驭一切的行为和自以为是的判断，对孩子的自尊，自信的伤害远大于应试教育。对于孩子而言，从他出生那一刻起，孩子对母亲这个角色的要求，几乎是永恒不变的。
Then, how can we stop children becoming the opposite side but to inherit her merits? The best way is to restrain yourself and be a real mom. When in front of children, mother should not be like in front of a conference table, she cannot treat children in a critical, picky way. The aggressive attitude, mean words, controlling behavior and self-righteous attitude from parents will harm children’s self-esteem and confidence far more than exam-oriented education. To children, the requirement of being a mom is eternal since he is born.
那具体应该怎么做呢?
Therefore, how exactly can we do this??
1
进门前，忘记自己的不愉快
Forget unpleasant things before step into the room
妈妈在进家门之前，务必提醒自己：忘掉所有单位里不愉快的事情，现在开始承担的是母亲的角色了。孩子需要母亲很快乐，千万不要把与孩子无关的坏情绪转嫁到孩子身上，因为孩子是无辜的。
Before entering home, mom has to remind yourself that: forget all unpleasant happenings on work, what you have to do now is being a happy mom for your kid. Do not transfer irrelevant bad mood to your child, because they are innocent.
2
孩子的小小荣誉
Children's sense of honor
当孩子兴致冲冲地告诉妈妈他今天在学校得了一颗五角星或是小红花的时候，千万不要表现出厌烦或者不屑一顾，一定要和儿子一样高兴地表扬他。最恰当的办法是说能不能让妈妈看看，要与他分享这个快乐，因为这个荣誉对孩子来讲是非常重要的。
When children are so excited to show you what they got in school such as a star or a flower, what a mom should do is to praise them happily instead of being bored or ignoring. The best way to do is to say “oh, can you show this to me?” and share happiness with him because this honor means a lot to him.
3
当孩子来问妈妈，“这个字怎么念”等诸如此类的问题时
When facing the questions like how to read this word
妈妈最好不要马上就回答他，最差的回答是“你怎么连这个字都不认识”。妈妈最好看了一眼后，说，“哎呀，我也不认识，我们一起查字典，好吗？”几次之后妈妈就教会了孩子使用字典，同时，孩子查完字典认识字后会很有成就感，多次之后就养成查阅资料不依赖妈妈的习惯了。
Do not answer the question immediately. The worst answer is “how can you not even know this word?”. The best way to solve this question is that after seeing it, mom says “oh, I don’t know it either, can we look it up in the dictionary together?” After several times, children can learn how to use dictionary from mom, at the same time, they get a sense of achievement after doing that. Then they will have the habit of searching dictionary by themselves instead of asking mom.
4
当孩子来问妈妈问题时
When children are asking you questions
妈妈不能像“竹筒倒豆子”一样把答案都说出来，边说还边得意，这对孩子的成长没有好处，几次之后，孩子就会回避问妈妈问题变得很自卑。
Mom should not answer these questions in a triumphant way because this does no good to children’s development. After several times, children would not like to ask anything from mom and feeling inferiority.
5
当孩子告诉妈妈今天考试没考好时
When kids are telling you that they do not perform well in this exam
妈妈一定要克制自己的情绪，绝对不能发火，孩子这时正紧张地观察着妈妈的脸色呢。所以，妈妈最好表现得没什么情绪变化，让孩子把卷子拿出来，和孩子一起分析错在哪儿。要是孩子已经明白了错在哪儿，妈妈也不必再纠缠。但最后要鼓励他：你看，你弄明白了下次考试就不会错了。妈妈要是感到自己无法控制情绪，就去卫生间洗把脸，照照镜子，做几个深呼吸。
Mom should control your feelings and do not get mad in front of your child. Children are observing your emotions right now. Therefore, you should not show any changes on your emotion and ask children to take out the exam paper, analyzing it with them. If they have already know their mistakes, mom should encourage them instead of struggling it by saying “see, after you figure it out you can do this next time.” If mom cannot control your feelings, then go to the bathroom, wash your face and take a deep breath.
6
当孩子在考试前或做什么比较重要的事情之前表现出胆怯时
When children showing timid before exam or something important
妈妈千万不能不以为然地训斥他胆小，这样会加重孩子的心理压力，导致孩子无法正常的发挥。这时，妈妈最好很轻松地对孩子说，“不管你做得怎么样，爸爸妈妈在像你这么大的时候还不如你呢，不要担心。”这时，孩子心里会很有底气和自信，他会发挥得比平时更好。
Mom should not rebuke him right now which will increase the pressure of them. Instead, you can say to your child with a relaxed voice “no matter how you perform, you are way better than me when I am at your age. So don’t worry.” At this time, children will be confidence and perform well.
7
假如孩子第二天要参加重要活动，当妈妈观察到孩子心事重重比较紧张时
When seeing children are nervous about next day big event
妈妈可以在孩子床边陪他入睡，睡觉前跟他讲个故事或者和他一起阅读他喜欢的书籍，疏解他内心的压力，直至孩子睡着后再离开。
Mom can help children sleep, reading a story for him or read his favorite books together to release his pressure until he falls asleep.
8
当孩子遭受失败或挫折时
When children feel frustrated and want to quit
妈妈要表现得坚强和决不放弃，冷静地告诉孩子失败只代表一时，不代表终生失败。不要孩子还没认为要放弃时，妈妈首先就表现得没有什么希望。最差的就是用刻薄的语言挖苦他，把孩子数落得一无是处，甚至新账旧账一起算。这样的母亲教育下的孩子会极度自卑，甚至放弃自己本应美好的前途。
Mom should hold calm down and tell him it is just for now and won’t last forever. Do not lose hope before your children are still holding on. The worst way is to speak mean words ironically and settle old scores to your child. Under this circumstance, children will feel inferior and lose faith in good future.
9
妈妈不要在孩子还没把想说的话表达清楚时，就自以为是地抢先表达自己的观点
Do not interrupt when children are expressing themselves
不管孩子是否愿意，就以“你必须……”、 “你应该…….”的语气命令孩子。妈妈千万不能成为“专制”的代名词。在这种情况下长大的孩子缺乏主见，缺乏是非判断能力。妈妈和孩子之间应建立平等的关系（平等不是无原则），懂得互相尊重对方。
Mom cannot order children by using “you have to…” no matter they like or not. Mom should not be the symbol of absolutism. Children would lack of opinions and the ability to judge right from wrong under that circumstance. Mom should establish a equal relationship with kids and respect each other.
10
妈妈在孩子面前要控制自己说话的方式
Control the way of speaking
世界上最了解孩子的就是母亲，所以，母亲最清楚孩子的弱点在什么地方，假如母亲在说话时经常直指孩子的弱点，以讽刺、批评或要挟，或是明明知道孩子做不到而故意要求孩子去做，这无疑是用最尖锐的武器在不断刺伤孩子的痛处。孩子的内心会很受伤害，因为这个伤害来自于他最亲近的人。
The person who knows your child most is mom. Therefore, you know the weakest point of your kid. If a mom always pokes the weak point of your child in an ironic, critical way, or asking child to do things which he is not able to do, she is hurting children badly.
11
妈妈在孩子面前要控制语言的数量
Control the amount of words
千万不要唠叨，事实上，最让孩子害怕的是母亲的沉默，所以，与其唠唠叨叨地对孩子说个没完，不如用简短的语言告诉孩子他所犯的错误所在或应该注意些什么，接下来，母亲的沉默肯定比继续说话有用！不要以为孩子不懂，他虽然装得一副无所谓的样子，但实际上在观察母亲是否把所说的事当真。
Do not speak too much. Actually, what children fear most is the silence from mom. So instead of chattering endlessly, mom can tell children what they have done wrong and what they should pay attention to. And then, the silence is much more useful than keep talking. Do not think your children know nothing. Even though they are pretend innocent, they are observing you whether take this seriously.
总之，妈妈在家就是妈妈，不是职业女性，再能干的母亲，在孩子面前一定要表现得“无知”一点，表现得“笨”一点，表现得“迟钝”一点，表现得“和风细雨”一点，这样的话，孩子会很有成就感，觉得他比妈妈“有知”、“聪明”和“敏捷”，他觉得他每天都有在超过妈妈，直到有一天，他真的超过了妈妈。
妈妈会因此遭受很多委屈，比如孩子会说“你怎么连这都不懂啊”，等可能会伤母亲自尊的话，但为了孩子的将来，放宽心胸。孩子长大后会感谢你的。
这就是做母亲的智慧。
Overall, when you are at home, you are a mother not a career woman. Being “unwisdom”, “stupid”, “dull” in front of your children, they can get more sense of achievement and think they are more “knowledgeable”, “intelligent” than their mom. Until one day, they actually surpass their mother.
Mom may feel a lot of grievance such as “ how can you not know this”. But for the future, let it go, children will thank you when they grow up.
This is the wisdom of being a mom.
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