今天“高斋CATTI”给大家分享一个CATTI汉译英批改解析。
原文
中缅山水相连,两国人民友好交往跨越千年,绵延不断。不论是秦汉时期南方丝绸之路上的互通有无,骠国王子出使盛唐交流歌舞艺术,还是上个世纪双方携手反抗殖民主义、帝国主义,都体现了双方心意相通、患难与共的深厚底蕴和宝贵传统。
欠佳译文
China and Myanmar are neighbors that are connected by mountains and rivers, and the relations between the two people have spanned thousands of years. About 2,000 years ago during China’s Qin and Han Dynasty, the two sides traded with each other on the southern Silk Road. In the Tang Dynasty in early 9th century, the Prince of Piao led a dancing and music troupe to China as an emissary of China-Myanmar friendship. In the last century, the two sides fight shoulder to shoulder against colonialism and imperialism, reflecting the profound background between us and testifying to great tradition of sharing weal and woe between us.
大概解析
1. 简明英语:“山水相连”这个表达在报告中很常见,翻译为that are connected by虽然也没错,但是这里直接用后置定语更简洁,所以不妨换为connected by。
2. 用词不严谨:如果直接使用connected by mountains and rivers,不严谨,我们知道所有的国家都是connected by mountains and rivers,如果是neighbor,需要使用connected by shared mountains and rivers。
3. 搭配错误:Span这个词表示“延绵;跨越”之意时后面可以直接跟时间,所以“跨越千年”可以说have spanned thousands of years,但是不能说relations have spanned ...搭配不对。
一般说到“友好交往”经常用enjoy这个词,“两国人民友好交往跨越千年”翻译为our people have enjoyed friendly ties for thousands of years。
4. 单复数:“秦汉时期”说的是秦朝和汉朝两个朝代,应该是during China’s Qin and Han Dynasties,注意Dynasties是复数,单复数问题是很多同学容易出错的地方。
5. 介词的用法:“南方丝绸之路上”一般介词应该是along,即along the southern Silk Road,指的是沿着丝绸之路。
6. 欠译:“盛唐”不能翻译为In the Tang Dynasty,这个指的是“唐朝”,没有体现出“盛”。我们经常说“盛唐”是因为在唐朝经济文化各方面的发展达到了中国历史上的顶峰。“盛唐”可以翻译为At the heyday of the Tang Dynasty,in the golden period of the Tang Dynasty。
7. 定冠词:在说唐朝的时候为了让外国读者更清楚这个朝代所处的时间,可以在后面加上具体的时间段“十九世纪初期”,但是要注意,在说多少世纪的时候有the,“十九世纪初期”是in the early 9th century。如果考试中不知道唐朝所处的具体时间,也可以不加in the early 9th century,如果要加的话一定要写对。
8. 专业词汇:“骠国王子”这个是专业表达,不能直接音译为the Prince of Piao,应该是the Prince of Pyu,如果说骠国就是The Kingdom of Pyu。
9. 时态:“携手”可以翻译为fight shoulder to shoulder,但是要注意,原文有明显的过去时的标志In the last century,所以应该是fought。
10. 选词错误:“深厚底蕴”不能直译为profound background,background原意是“背景”,不能说两国交流体现了双方深厚的背景,文中的“深厚底蕴”指的是深厚的友谊,应该翻译为profound friendship。
11. 用词重复:profound background between us and testifying to great tradition of sharing weal and woe between us这部分里面的between us重复了,我们在翻译的时候应该尽量使用不同的词,避免重复,great tradition of sharing weal and woe between us可以换为our great tradition of sharing weal and woe。
12. 逻辑错误:欠佳译文把“都体现了双方心意相通、患难与共的深厚底蕴和宝贵传统”作为了“上个世纪双方携手反抗殖民主义、帝国主义”的状语,翻译为reflecting the profound background between us and testifying to great tradition of sharing weal and woe between us,这样是不对的。
reflecting the profound background between us and testifying to great tradition of sharing weal and woe between us作状语会导致这个状语只是In the last century, the two sides fought shoulder to shoulder against colonialism and imperialism的状语,但原文是“都体现”,说明是总结前面所有的。
这种我在CATTI冲刺班讲过了,一般断句,增补主语Such+名词复数或All these+名词复数或these+名词复数,用Such/These examples来总结,指以上的这些事例,整句话翻译为:
These examples reflect the profound friendship between us and testify to our great tradition of sharing weal and woe.
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