“老公，我吃不下了。。”“乖~再吃点，吃胖胖才可爱”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         我也想做一个优雅的淑女，是生活把老娘逼成了泼妇。

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          你简直就是个四，除了二还是二，减去二还是二，真是二上加二，去掉一个二还有一个二，而且是二的二倍。

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      山寨货伤不起啊！

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     吸烟有害健康，看看他们都抽成这样了，还不戒烟吗？！！

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       吃桔子都能吃成这样~太牛了！膜拜！！！

我擦，瞧这姿势，要成精啊......

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   在电影院看3D泰坦尼克，原本哭的希里哗啦的，气氛情节啥的都很感人的，结果到了rose把海洋之心扔进大海里的时候，我旁边一哥们来了句：这败家的老娘们儿！ 好吧，我承认我当时一下把哭的时候的鼻涕喷出来了…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            抽烟抽了大半辈子的奶奶说：“孙女啊，以后嫁人千万别嫁戒过烟的啊。”我很纳闷，为什么呀？她说：“戒过烟的男人心狠啊，你想想，香烟都能戒了，还什么事做不出来的！”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  某日刘洪涛先生接见外宾。 刘洪涛见到外宾后，用不太标准的英语说道：“I am Hong Tao Liu！” 外宾听后，用熟练的中文回道：“别开玩笑了，我TM还方片七呢！”

从前有一双皮鞋，两只鞋子彼此相爱。可是有一天，它们失散了。直到它们再相见，一个变成了酸奶，一个变成了胶囊，它们再也不能在一起了…好感人的爱情故事啊！

交学费就应该用支付宝，成绩出来了再确认支付，好评差评看心情，挂了科就TMD申请退款！老师跟在屁股后面说：“亲，给好评阿，亲，选这科吧，包及格，亲，成绩单寄出了，请查收。”