1.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to
a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 705, 805, or 90s. S e
when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell, Get the kid.
这目想对将要退体者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,千万别进退休社区。因为
那里人人都七八十岁成着八九十岁了。每当要換东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们
就叫,"小的干吧。
2. Mother Freddie, why is your face so red
Freddie I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother That's a very nice thing to do. Who was tighting
Freddie Me and Jackie Smith
妈妈:弗雷迪,你的脸为什么那么红?
弗雷迪:我刚才在大街上跑,为的是阻止一次打架?
妈妈:你做的对,谁和谁在打架
弗雷迪:我和杰克史密斯
3. A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation
attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They
decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the
only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation.
After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace.
I'd rather not the
ne clergyman said, ' I don't want Him to know I'm here
位著名牧师和他款区的几位老人出席域外会议直到天黒オ开完会,他们打算在回
家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤馆开着
未雨绸缪:
饭后,一位人要牧加折擦。我想我是免了,“牧师说。"我不想让主知道我在这里。”
4. Tom William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing
right in lending it to him
Jack Certainly.
Tom And why
Jack Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆:威廉向我債五英。我该不该给他?
杰克:当然应该了
汤姆:为什么?
杰克:否则他就该跟我借了。
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his
portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him
to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my
embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he
succeeded.
Why are you so nervous asked him.
The numbers are the date of our anniversary. 'my usband confessed
我陪丈夫一起出差,他带著他的手提式计算机,机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他
心的等若我那迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的空吗。最后他终于想起来了
未雨绸缪:
你为什么那么紧张呢?”我问他。
这密码是我们结婚纪念日。“他承认道
6. An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear,
went into a shop and asked the shopman'how much this stuff
'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap. ' The I
ady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen, ''I did not say
seventeen dollars, but seven.
It is still too much, replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.
一位耳并且总是嫌东西太実的老太太走进一家商店。
她问店员:“这东西要多少钱?
七美元,太太,这是很便直的。"老太太说:“太実了,十四美元差不多。
店员忙说:“我没说十七美元,是七美元。
还是太,”老太太说:"五美元,我就买啦。
7. Mother Why are you jumping up and down
Tom I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle
妈妈:你为什么不停地跳上下的?
汤姆:我刚吃完药,可我忘了先动子了
未雨绸缪:
oond evening I drove my husbands car to the shopping mal
On my retum, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and
cleaned it up a bit. When I finally entered the house, I called out. The
woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights
and windshield.
My husband looked up and said, 'Moms here"
一天晚上我开着文夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身活満灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当
我察于走进屋里时大声喊:"世界上最羲你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和当风玻
璃。
我文夫抬头看了看,说:"妈妈来了?
9. Mr. Johnson Are you using you mower this afternoon
Mr Smith Yes.
Mr Johnson Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be
needing it
约翰逾先生:今天下午你准备用割草机吗?
史密斯先生:是的。
约翰逆先生:太好了。既然您不用网球拍,那我可以借用一下吗?
10. Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she
complained to him one day
I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.
Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later. He said with a smile.
未雨绸缪:
玛非常讨厌文夫吸国,一天対他記您说、"我希里有一天所有卷烟都大火
不用担心亲的,所有的烟卷退투都会点着的
他笑着说
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