作者：Libby Copeland
译者：赵萌萌&王津雨
校对：伍豪
编辑：赵萌萌
In a world that is growing more divided and atomized, it may be guilt—not empathy—that can bring people together.
在这个愈发分裂的世界，把人们团结在一起的也许并非共情，而是内疚感。
本文选自The Atlantic | 取经号原创翻译
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A few years ago, researchers in Germany set out to plumb the moral consciences of small children. They invited a series of 2- and 3-year-olds to play with a marble track in a lab. Close to the track—inauspiciously close—was a block tower that one of the adult experimenters claimed to have painstakingly constructed. Just before turning her back, she asked them not to damage it.
几年前，德国研究人员对孩子的道德良知进行了研究。他们找了一些两到三岁的小孩子，让他们在实验室玩弹珠轨道，在轨道近旁——近到有点不妙——还搭着积木塔。一位实验员还称，这个塔是她费了好大劲才搭好的，叫孩子们不要弄塌，说罢就转过身去了。
plumb /plʌm/ n. understand (sth) thoroughly 探索，探究（某事物）
inauspicious /ˌɪnɔːˈspɪʃəs/ adj. seeming to show that success in the future is unlikely 不妙的
painstaking /ˈpeɪnzˌteɪkɪŋ/ adj. very careful and thorough 付出很多努力，费劲的
Needless to say, the game was rigged. After a few runs, a marble would knock over part of the tower, at which point the experimenter responded with what the resulting journal article described as a 'mildly sad' tone. 'Oh no,' she would say, then ask what had happened. In some versions of the experiment, the child seemed to be to blame; in others, an adult who was helping with the experiment toppled the tower. The kids' reactions revealed a lot about how social-emotional development progresses during these key years. While many of the 2-year-olds seemed sympathetic to the researcher's plight, the 3-year-olds went beyond sympathy. When they believed that they'd caused the accident, they were more likely than the 2-year-olds to express regret and try to fix the tower. In other words, the 3-year-olds' behavior varied depending on whether they felt responsible.
当然了，这个游戏是经过精心设计的。玩过几轮后就会有一个弹珠飞出来，打掉几块积木，这时看到倒塌的积木，实验员就会发出几声（引述自期刊文章）“略微悲伤”的叹息声，“不要啊，”接着，她会问孩子们发生了什么。在一些实验里，罪魁祸首看上去是孩子们；而在另一些实验中，推倒积木塔的是参与实验的成年人。孩子们各种各样的反应为研究在这几年成长关键期里，社会情感发展是如何推进的提供了很多信息。很多两岁的孩子都会同情实验员的遭遇，而三岁孩子的表现则要丰富许多。如果他们以为自己推倒了积木塔，相比两岁孩子，他们更可能感到抱歉，还会试着把积木塔复原。也就是说，三岁孩子采取什么样的行为取决于他们是否认为是自己碰倒了积木塔。
rig /rɪɡ/ v. manage or control (sth) fraudulently （以欺诈手段）操纵或控制（某事物）
topple /tɑpl/ v. cause (sth) to do this 使（某物）倒下
Their actions, according to Amrisha Vaish, the University of Virginia psychology researcher who led the study, demonstrate 'the beginnings of real guilt and real conscience.' Vaish is one of a number of scholars studying how, when, and why guilt emerges in children. Unlike so-called basic emotions such as sadness, fear, and anger, guilt emerges a little later, in conjunction with a child's growing grasp of social and moral norms. Children aren't born knowing how to say 'I'm sorry'; rather, they learn over time that such statements appease parents and friends—and their own consciences. This is why researchers generally regard so-called moral guilt, in the right amount, to be a good thing: A child who claims responsibility for knocking over a tower and tries to rebuild it is engaging in behavior that's not only reparative but also prosocial.
弗吉尼亚大学的心理学研究人员阿丽莎·瓦什是这次研究的带头人。她表示，孩子们的行为证明了“他们开始产生真正的内疚感与良知”。她和很多学者一样，都在研究孩子产生内疚感的方式、时机与原因。不像悲伤、恐惧、愤怒这些所谓基本的情感，内疚感形成得更晚，与孩子对社会规则与道德准则的把握程度同步。孩子不是一出生就会说“对不起”的，相反，他们是随着时间推移，慢慢认识到这种表述既可以安抚父母与朋友，也可以让自己安心。这就是为什么一般情况下，研究人员会认为有道德内疚感总的来说是件好事，只要愧疚感本身能控制在合理的范围内。一个孩子称是自己推倒了积木塔，还试着重新把积木搭好，这种行为不仅是在补救，还很亲社会。
conscience /kɑnʃəns/ n. person's awareness of right and wrong with regard to his own thoughts and actions 良心，是非感
appease /əˋpiz/ v. make (sb/sth) quiet or calm, usu by making concessions or by satisfying demands 使（某人、某事物）安静或平息（通常为作出让步或满足要求）
prosocial: Relating to or denoting behaviour which is positive, helpful, and intended to promote social acceptance and friendship. 亲社会的
In the popular imagination, of course, guilt still gets a bad rap. It evokes Freud's ideas and religious hang-ups. More important, guilt is deeply uncomfortable—it's the emotional equivalent of wearing a jacket weighted with stones. Who would inflict it upon a child? Yet this understanding is outdated. 'There has been a kind of revival or a rethinking about what guilt is and what role guilt can serve,' Vaish says, adding that this revival is part of a larger recognition that emotions aren't binary—feelings that may be advantageous in one context may be harmful in another. Jealousy and anger, for example, may have evolved to alert us to important inequalities. Too much happiness (think mania) can be destructive.
当然，在大众的认知中，内疚感还是会蒙受不公的评价。它让人们想起弗洛伊德观点中对内疚感的描述，以及宗教意义上的苦难。更重要的是，内疚感是很不舒服的——就像穿着加了石头的外套。谁会用这种东西折磨孩子？但这种论调已经过时了。“人们开始重新审视内疚感的本质与角色，”瓦什表示。她还补充道，这种转变的背后，是更多人意识到了情感并不是黑白分明的——一种情感在某种情境下是有益的，但在另一种情境下又可能是有害的。比如嫉妒与愤怒，可能会演变为警醒，让我们保持对重大不平等事件的敏感度。太多的快乐情绪（比如狂喜）也可能造成破坏。
Bad rap: unjustified criticism 不公正的评价
Freud’s ideas: 弗洛伊德的人格结构理论（Freud's theory of Personality Structure）
在弗洛伊德的学说中，人格被视为从内部控制行为的一种心理机制，这种内部心理机制决定着一个人在一切给定情境中的行为特征或行为模式。弗洛伊德认为完整的人格结构由三大部分组成，即本我、自我和超我。
所谓本我，就是本能的我，完全处于潜意识之中。本我是一个混饨的世界,它容纳一团杂乱无章、很不稳定的、本能性的被压抑的欲望，隐匿着各种为现代人类社会伦理道德和法律规范所不容的、未开发的本能冲动。本我遵循“快乐原则”，它完全不懂什么是价值，什么是善恶和什么是道德，只知道为了满足自己的需要不惜付出一切代价。
自我是面对现实的我，它是通过后天的学习和环境的接触发展起来的，是意识结构的部分，自我是本我和外界环境的调节者，它奉行现实原则，它既要满足本我的需要，又要制止违反社会规范、道德准则和法律的行为。
超我，是道德化了的我，它也是从自我中分化和发展起来的，它是人在儿童时代对父母道德行为的认同，对社会典范的效仿，是接受文化传统、价值观念、社会理想的影响而逐渐形成的。它由道德理想和良心构成，是人格结构中专管道德的司法部门，是一切道德限制的代表，是人类生活较高尚行动的动力，它遵循理想原则，它通过自我典范（即良心和自我理想）确定道德行为的标准，通过良心惩罚违反道德标准的行为，使人产生内疚感。
hang-up /ˈhæŋʌp/ n. a feeling of worry or embarrassment about something that you have although there is no real reason to feel this way 苦难
And guilt, by prompting us to think more deeply about our goodness, can encourage humans to atone for errors and fix relationships. Guilt, in other words, can help hold a cooperative species together. It is a kind of social glue.
内疚感推动我们更深层地思考人性中善的部分，进而促使人们去弥补过错，修复关系。换句话说，负罪感可以让一个愿意互相帮助的种族更加紧密，是一种社会黏合剂。
atone /əˋton/ v. ~ (for sth) act in a way that compensates for a previous wrong, error, etc 补（过），赎（罪）
Viewed in this light, guilt is an opportunity. Work by Tina Malti, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, suggests that guilt may compensate for an emotional deficiency. In a number of studies, Malti and others have shown that guilt and sympathy (and its close cousin empathy) may represent different pathways to cooperation and sharing. Some kids who are low in sympathy may make up for that shortfall by experiencing more guilt, which can rein in their nastier impulses. And vice versa: High sympathy can substitute for low guilt.
从这个角度看，内疚感是一个机会。多伦多大学心理学教授蒂娜·马尔蒂的研究表明，内疚感可以弥补某种情感缺失。通过大量研究，马尔蒂和其他研究人员证明了内疚感与同情（以及与之相似的共情）通过不同方式促进了合作与共享。一些没那么有同情心的孩子通过体验更多内疚感，弥补了这一情感缺失，还可控制住恶意冲动。反之亦然：富有同情心可以弥补内疚感不足。
In a 2014 study, for example, Malti and a colleague looked at 244 children, ages 4, 8, and 12. Using caregiver assessments and the children's self-observations, they rated each child's overall sympathy level and his or her tendency to feel negative emotions (like guilt and sadness) after moral transgressions. Then the kids were handed stickers and chocolate coins, and given a chance to share them with an anonymous child. For the low-sympathy kids, how much they shared appeared to turn on how inclined they were to feel guilty. The guilt-prone ones shared more, even though they hadn't magically become more sympathetic to the other child's deprivation.
举例来说，2014年，马尔蒂和同事研究了244个孩子，分布在4岁、8岁，以及12岁这三个年龄段。他们利用看护人评估机制与孩子的自我观察，给每个孩子的整体同情心水平、做出违反道德的行为后产生负面情绪（比如内疚与悲伤）的倾向进行了评级。之后又给孩子们发了贴纸和硬币巧克力糖，让他们和一个不知名的孩子分享。对那些不是很有同情心的孩子来说，他们分享的多少表明了他们的内疚感有多少。容易有内疚感的孩子分享的更多，虽然他们并没有奇迹般地对这个什么都没有的孩子冒出更多同情心。
'That's good news,' Malti says. 'We can be prosocial because of our empathetic proclivity, or because we caused harm and we feel regret.'
“这是个好消息，”马尔蒂表示，“我们会因为他人着想而亲社会，也可以因我们造成破坏、感到悔恨而亲社会。”
proclivity /proˋklɪvətɪ/ n. ~ (for/to/towards sth/doing sth) natural inclination to do sth; tendency 倾向性，癖性
Malti describes guilt as a self-directed emotion, elicited when you act in a way that's out of keeping with your conscience. Sympathy and empathy are other-directed. A child who isn't inclined to feel bad for a classmate whose toy car she stole might nevertheless feel uncomfortable with the idea of herself as a thief—and return the toy. Guilt can include sympathy, Malti says, but it doesn't have to. She's agnostic about which of the two paths children take, so long as they treat one another well.
在马尔蒂看来，内疚感是一种由内而外的情感，当行为和良知不符时就会产生。同情与共情则是由外而内的。一个不会因偷了同学玩具车感到内疚的孩子，反而可能会因为觉得自己是个小偷，感到不舒服而物归原主。马尔蒂表示，负疚可以包括同情，但不一定包括同情。她不知道孩子们到底是出于同情还是出于内疚，只要他们能善待别人就好。
elicit /ɪˋlɪsɪt/ v. ~ sth (from sb) draw (facts, a response, etc) from sb, sometimes with difficulty 从某人处诱出, 探出（事实、反应等）
agnostic /æɡˋnɑstɪk/ adj. holding this belief 不可知论的.
This is a provocative idea at a moment when parents and educators have come to almost fetishize empathy—when a child's ability to put herself in another's shoes seems like the apex of goodness. Parents encourage children to consider how their peers feel when they don't share their toys. Preschool teachers instruct students to consider one another 'friends,' implying that good behavior is predicated on affection. Elementary schools base anti-bullying curricula around altruistic concepts like love and kindness.
前文的观点在当下会显得很有争议，因为现在的家长和教育者们已几乎完全陷入了对“共情”的盲目崇拜——如果一个孩子能换位思考，似乎就说明她已达到了至高道德水准。父母会鼓励孩子去考虑：如果不分享玩具给伙伴，他们会是什么感受。幼儿园老师也会告诉学生，要把彼此当作“好朋友”——这即在暗示，彼此间的感情可以塑造良好的行为。小学在设置反霸凌课程时，也是围绕着爱和仁慈这类无私的理念开展的。
fetishize /'fitɪʃaɪz/ v. to be excessively or irrationally devoted to (an object, activity, etc) 盲目痴迷(某物、某活动等)
When it comes to helping kids manage relationships and tamp down aggression, 'schools and programs have almost exclusively focused on empathy promotion,' Malti says. 'I think it's incredibly important to nurture empathy, but I think it's equally important to promote guilt.'
马尔蒂指出，在帮助孩子学着处理人际关系或压制攻击情绪时，“学校和各类教育项目几乎都只关注共情的培养。在我看来，培养共情固然很重要，但加强内疚感的培养也是同等重要的。”
If you still find the idea of guilting your child unpalatable, keep in mind that we're talking about a very specific kind of guilt. This is not telling your child that her disobedience proves she's unworthy, or describing how painful it was to give birth to her. This is not pressuring your grown son or daughter to hurry up and have babies before you die. In short, this is not your grandmother's guilt-trip.
如果你仍然难以接受“需让孩子感到内疚”这一观念，请记住，我们在此讨论的“内疚感”是很特殊的。它不是要你去告诉孩子，不听话就一无是处；也不是要你去向孩子形容，我生下你有多痛苦；更不是要你去给已成年的子女施压，让他们在你死前赶紧生娃。简言之，这里讨论的内疚感不是奶奶辈用的那套道德绑架的东西。
You don't want a child to feel bad about who she is (that's called shaming) or responsible for things outside her control (which can give rise to maladaptive or neurotic guilt; see the child who feels guilty for her parents' divorce). Malti points out that a child's age and disposition are also important considerations; some may be temperamentally guilt-prone and require a lighter touch. The point is to encourage both goodness and resilience. We all make mistakes, and ideally we use them to propel ourselves toward better behavior.
你不会想让孩子对自身的存在感觉糟糕（这叫“羞耻感”），也不会想让孩子为自己无法掌控的事负责（这会引发一种“适应不良型内疚感”或者“神经性内疚感”；比如，孩子会把父母离婚怪罪到自己头上）。马尔蒂指出，孩子的年龄和性情也是重要考虑因素；有的孩子可能在性情上就容易内疚，所以人们需以一种更加友好放松的方式去接触这类孩子。关键在于不仅要鼓励培养良知，还要提高心理承受力。我们都会犯错误，在理想情况下，我们会把这些错误利用起来，以塑造更好的行为。
light touch: a friendly, relaxed, or humourous way of doing something. 友好轻松的
Proper guilting connects the dots between your child's actions and an outcome—without suggesting anything is wrong or bad about her—and focuses on how best to repair the harm she's caused. In one fell swoop it inspires both guilt and empathy, or what Martin Hoffman, an emeritus professor at NYU known for his extensive work on empathy, has termed 'empathy-based guilt.' Indeed, you may already be guilting your child (in a healthy way!) without realizing it. As in: 'Look, your brother is crying because you just threw his Beanie Boo in the toilet.' Hopefully, the kid is moved to atone for her behavior, and a parent might help her think through how to do that.
适当的内疚感能把孩子的行为与其结果联系起来——而不会暗示是孩子自己出了问题——还能使注意力集中在怎样才能最有效地补救损害上。这种机制可以一下同时激发内疚感和共情，或是纽约大学名誉教授马丁·霍夫曼所称的“基于共情的内疚感”，他因对共情的广泛研究而知名。事实上，你可能在不知不觉中就已采取了“让孩子感到内疚”的做法（而且是以一种健康的方式！）。比如：“看，弟弟在哭呢，因为你刚才把他的Beanie Boo公仔扔进马桶了。”这么说之后，孩子就很可能会想去弥补自己的行为，父亲或者母亲也就可以去帮助孩子找出正确的应对办法。
In one fell swoop 刹那间，一下子
Work by Renee Patrick, a psychology professor at the University of Tampa, shows that it's important for parents to express themselves in a warm and loving way: A parent who seems chastising or rejecting can induce anxiety in a child, and do nothing to encourage healthy behavior. Patrick's work also shows that kids whose parents used a strategy intended to elicit 'empathy-based guilt' during their adolescence tended to see moral concepts like fairness and honesty as more central to their sense of themselves. (A related technique that's been found effective in adolescents involves what Patrick calls 'parental expression of disappointed expectations'—which is as harrowing as it sounds.)
坦帕大学心理学教授蕾妮·帕特里克的研究结果表明，父母以一种温暖有爱的方式去表达他们的想法是很重要的：如果父母的言行带有那么点惩罚意味或否定态度，会引发孩子的焦虑，也不利于孩子塑造健康行为。研究结果还显示，如果在孩子的青少年时期，父母采取策略、有意引导孩子产生“基于共情的内疚感”，那么孩子通常会把公平、诚实等道德观念看得比自身感受更为重要。（一个相关方法在青少年教育中也很有效，其中包括帕特里克口中的“父母在孩子没能达到期望时的表达”——就像听上去的那样，这种方法会让人沮丧。）
Joan Grusec, a psychologist and researcher in parenting and children's development, and a colleague of Malti's at the University of Toronto, says it's important to make the what-you-can-do-about-it part a discussion between parent and child, instead of a sermon. Forcing a child to behave morally may prevent her from internalizing the lesson you're trying to impart. And, she says, such a conversation may work better 'once everybody has simmered down,' rather than in the heat of a dispute. She points to research on what academics call reminiscence, which suggests that discussing a transgression after the fact may better help children understand what they did wrong.
琼·格鲁赛克是一名心理学家，研究父母教育方式和儿童发展，同时也是马尔蒂在多伦多大学的同事。她提出，父母与孩子之间开展一场关于“对此你能做些什么”的讨论——而不是父母单方的说教——是很重要的。强迫一个孩子行事符合道德规范，可能会令她无法消化你想教给她的东西。格鲁赛克还表示，“只要大家都冷静下来”，这种谈话就会产生更好效果，激烈争论时进行反而会适得其反。另外，她还提到了一项研究，学界人士将之称为回忆。该项研究表明，事后讨论当时犯的错误，可能会更好地帮助孩子理解自己哪里做错了。
sermon /'sɝmən/ n. a long talk in which someone tries to give you moral advice that you do not want – used to show disapproval 训诫，说教〔含贬义〕
Of course, knowing when to feel bad and what to do about it are things we could all benefit from. Malti's research may focus on kids, but guilt is a core human emotion—an inevitability for people of every age. And she believes that it has the potential to be especially helpful now, in a world that is growing more divided and atomized.
当然，知道什么时候感到抱歉，以及如何解决问题，对我们大家都有好处。马尔蒂的研究也许只聚焦在儿童身上，但内疚感是人类的核心情感，不管多大年龄的人都会体验到。而且马尔蒂相信，在当前这样一个日益分化和分裂的世界，内疚感可能会变得尤其有用。
She argues that guilt may have the ability to bring us together, not despite but because of its focus on the self. The proposition is radical. What if the secret to treating one another better is thinking about ourselves not less, but more?
马尔蒂认为，内疚感之所以能让我们团结一心，是因为它能让人们更多关注自我，不再刻意排除自己的感受。这个观点非常激进。如果善待他人的秘诀不再是处处为他人考虑，而是更多关注自我，那这个世界会发生怎么样的改变呢？
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