How to Inspire a Slug 如何激励一只鼻涕虫

By Super Slug Solomon (AKA SSS) & Super Lion Stella (AKA SLS)

在这篇“如何做”的自助文章中，我将介绍能激励你身边的slug的实用指南。文章没有任何指向或目的。如有雷同，肯定是抄我的。

In this 'how to’ self-help article, I will introduce some good ways to inspire those slugs in your life that just slither around behind you, aimlessly without any purpose. If you find any similar aticle, it must be copied from me.

我知道你在想什么--这是一个不可能完成的任务。但是接下来的指南将告诉你如何才能让任何一只“slug”成功转型为，比如像我一样的，伟岸的，狮子🦁️。

I know what you’re thinking, an absolutely impossible task. The following guidance will provide all the steps needed to turn any slug into a lion... like me.

第一步：收掉你视线范围内所有的吃的喝的。

Step 1: Eliminate all forms of snack in the nearby area. 

第二步：在他们旁边进行锻炼，做一些你明知道他们无法完成的动作。这样就会使他们对缺乏运动和体重增加而感到内疚。（比如我今天完成了连续跳绳300个，成为个人新纪录--SLS）

Step 2: Perform exercises you know they are unable to do around them to make them feel guilty about their lack of exercise and weight gain. （e.g. Continuously skipping rope 300 times without stopping--SLS)

第三步：在告诉他们您积极的生活方式和锻炼频率的同时，超额订一些他们喜欢吃/喝和吃的东西。

Step 3: Over order on the things that they like to eat/drink and consume them right in front of their antennae while telling them about your active lifestyle and routine.

第四步：对他们的健身习惯提出质疑，例如“你从来不锻炼？”“偶尔走楼梯可能是个好主意”，“蛋糕，哦，不， 您正在减肥吗？”，“难道不是吗？”，“您听说过一个叫做健身房的地方吗？”

Step 4: Question their fitness routine while giving condescending remarks such as “You don’t exercise?” “It might be a good idea to take the stairs once in a while” , “How about a cake, oh no, you’re losing weight, aren’t you?”, “AREN’T YOU?”, “Have you heard of a place called the gym?”

第五步：不放过任何使他们为不运动而感到内疚的机会，例如在他们眼前甩电梯卡的同时提醒他们要注意自己的双下巴，委婉地建议他们爬楼梯。

Step 5: At any given opportunity guilt them into exercise such as dangling the elevator card in front of their noses whilst reminding them about their sluggish double chins and that walking down the stairs might be a better option.

未完待续。

To be continued.

临近期末，大家都在疯狂工作，脑子里有一些疯狂的想法来让生活变得更有趣。这只是我工作环境的一个小缩影，我们这些slug们自得其乐。哈哈哈。

In end of the semester, everyone is working crazy, and there are some crazy ideas in my mind to make life more interesting. This is just a microcosm of my work environment, and we slugs enjoy ourselves. Hahaha.