古诗英译:和张仆射塞下曲·其三(唐 · 卢纶)
月黑雁飞高,单于夜遁逃。
欲将轻骑逐,大雪满弓刀。
An Immediate Pursuit
A moonless sky menaces a darkest night.
Warning wild geese soar in a startled flight.
Preying on this given opportunity,
our beseiged enemy,
maneuvers an unsuspected retreat.
Summoned at a resolute command,
assemble in no time our cavalrymen,
lightly-armed and ready for a whirlwind hunt.
A sudden heavy snow falls.
In a blink of the eye,it builds up on their bore bows and swords.
”译”后记:
一首“模仿”汉语古诗词“意合”结构抛弃一切“赘词”(介词连词等)表达出来的也具备“意合”形态,“摒弃”其与生俱来的“形合”结构的“英文诗”,我不知道能不能也被“形态”英语接受。
但是,偶尔为之也许不为过,尤其是用于表达这首“军情急”的“短促”诗词时,英汉语都必须在语态上传递这种“十万火急”的语气。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
“遣词造句”:
1) “译”诗最初“形态”
A darkest time in a moonless night,
startled wild geese in a startled flight.
It was our beseiged enemy,
stealing such an opportunity,
maneuveuring an unsuspected retreat.
An urgent order took no time to have arrive.
A light cavalery must chase in no time.
In no time and unexpected snow stoid on their carried swords and bows.
这时,只是把原句大概意思表达出来而已,需要在“修辞”角度继续“打磨”。
2) 二稿
A darkest night with a moonless sky,
startled wild geese soared in a flight.
With结构“太语法”了,虽然语法“无比正确”,毫无“诗词”美感,尤其在“惜词如金”的诗词里,“废词”不能出现,更别说“太多”了。
Preying on this given opportunity,
was our beseiged enemy,
maneuvering an unsuspected retreat.
An urgent order assembled a light cavalry,
for an immediate pursuit
In no time and unexpected snow stood on their carried swords and bows.
3) urgent synonym =resolute
4) pursuit synonym = hunt
5) order synonym = command
6) threaten synonym= menace
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