有一个网站叫FML fuck my life. 网站上有很多人吐槽自己生活里发生的各种囧事。
当一件不好的事情发生在你身上的时候，你是否想过如何把这件事情变成一件囧事给自己和他人带去欢乐，而不是咒骂自己和生活给他人带去负能量呢？
请多多把自己的悲剧变成囧事，传播欢乐和正能量哦。
下面是一些人对自己倒霉的吐槽：
My mom backed a sausage for my daughter just now,but she mistaked the pepper for the cumin and sprinkled on it.my daughter took a bite of it and she cried for the hot.
刚才我妈给我女儿烤了跟烤肠，但是她错把胡椒粉当成孜然粉洒在了上面，我女儿咬了一小口之后被辣的直掉眼泪。
Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended.
今天，一个我以前从来没见过的女孩向我走来，并打了我的脸一拳，因为她想被关禁闭。
Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote.
今天，我完成了我的第一组考试后，我的教授发了一条Twitter嘲笑一个学生的回答有多蠢。而他嘲笑的那个答案正是我写的。
Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green.
今天，我决定把我的头发染成蓝色。但是结果和我预想的有那么点不同：我的白色浴室、皮肤和指甲现在都成了蓝色的，现在唯一不是蓝色的，是我那绿色的头发。
Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date.
今天，我和我奶奶打赌输了，现在她正和我一起去我接下来的约会。
Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving.
今天，我在高速上开车的时候接到了一个朋友的电话，得知我两个最好的朋友因交通事故过世了。我一边大哭一边把车停下，然后一个警察过来问我怎么了。在我解释了一通之后，他因为我在开车的时候打电话而给了我一张罚单。
Bue to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well.
由于天气干燥，我的鼻子变得太干而开始流血，于是我用卫生纸堵住然后继续做我的事。然后彻底把这事给忘了，后来我出去抽烟的时候也没注意，结果我把卫生纸也给点着了。
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water.
今天我原本准备在湖中的船上向女朋友求婚。正当我们欣赏着周围的湖光山色时，她开玩笑地把我推进了水里。当我爬回船上时，我发现不仅我的手机报废了，那颗求婚戒指也掉进了深深的湖水里。
Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female.
今天，我在外面吃饭的时候，饭店经理过来找我。他说虽然他很尊重我的个人选择，但是他的顾客们对于一个“曾经是男人”的女人用女卫生间感到非常不舒服。他以为我是个变性人。事实上我是天生就是个女人。
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence.
今天我准备向女朋友求婚。在我们去太空针塔的路上，我被警察拦下并且迅速逮捕了。很显然，我最近从一个抢劫过珠宝店的男人那儿买了辆车。身上的戒指现在就是证据。
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After i knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background: "Baby, who's there?"
今天，拿着鲜花和晚餐，打算给我认识了两年的女友一个惊喜。我敲了敲她公寓的门，一个英俊的年轻男人开了门。我以为我敲错了门，道了歉转身准备离开的时候，我听到了我女朋友的声音——“宝贝，门口的是谁?”
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth.
今天，我咬了我男友的脖子。我感觉到什么东西流进了我嘴里。结果我发现我是把他脖子上的一个痘痘咬爆了。进了我嘴里。
My dog found out how to turn my Xbox off.So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does.
我的狗狗发现了如何关我的Xbox，所以猜猜每次它想要得到关心的时候，它都会做什么。
Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows.He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking.
今天，我看着我的父亲试图用炉子的火点雪茄，并以烧掉了一些头发和眉毛而告终。他试着装作无所谓地说：“最近理发太贵了。”然后顶着他冒着烟的头走了出去。
Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow.
今天，我花了近半小时清理我的车上几英寸的雪。弄好的时候我几乎快被冻死了。但是我发现口袋里的车钥匙不见了，大概是被埋在了脚下的积雪里。
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man.
今天，我结婚9年的老公告诉我说他是个同性恋。他含沙射影地说，他和我在一起的时候能硬起来，是因为我长得比较爷们。
Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch.
今天，我女朋友的朋友跟她说她看见我和一个很可爱的女孩一起逛街。我到家了以后我的女友就给了我一拳，问我那女孩是谁。很显然，她的朋友没告诉她那“可爱的女孩”是我三岁的小侄女。因为那拳我少了颗牙。
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time.The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life.
今天，我第一次见我女友的父亲。他做的第一件事就是给我看了一颗子弹，然后他大概和我说了一下，如果我不服从他女儿的每一次心血来潮，这个子弹将会结束我的生命。
Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses.
今天我收到了一封信，告诉我说我赢得了去墨西哥坎昆旅游的机会。它看起来很像骗人的，于是我把它给扔了。之后我知道那是表哥给我的礼物，而且信封里还有张用来抵用开销的5000美金的支票。
Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, just in case.
结婚20年后的今天，我发现我的妻子拥有多个交友网站的账户，以备不时之需。
Today, my teacher demanded to talk to my dad because she thought he wasn't a good enough male role model because i'd misbehaved. i told her he had died of cancer in 2005. She said that my lie was rude, disgraceful, and that i should be ashamed, then gave me a detention. He actually did die.
今天，我老师要求和我爸谈话因为她认为我的行为不当是由于我爸没给我起到一个好的榜样作用。我告诉她我爸在05年就死于癌症。她说我该为我如此粗鲁和没人性的谎言而感到羞愧，然后把我留校了。我爸是真的死了。
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon.
今天，我卫生棉从我的泳装旁边露出了一点点。我男友以为那是我比基尼下面挂着的线头。于是乎他在大庭广众之下把我的卫生棉拉了出来。
Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face.
今天我在一个公园里散步，看到一群孩子在踢球， 其中一个把球拼命地踢向了我，很幸运的是我把球接到了。 然后我把球踢回去，正准备说：“接好了” 的时候，球从旁边的一颗树上弹了回来，击中了我的脸
Today, I was arrested because my 6 year old son called the police saying that I was hitting my wife and that she was crying. My wife and I were having sex.
今天，我被逮捕了，因为我6岁的儿子打电话叫警察，说我撞了我老婆并且把它给弄哭了。我和我老婆当时在做爱。
Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames.
今天，我们拿到了学校的毕业纪念册。我打开我的那本，发现他们把我的名拼错了。我的名是James(詹姆斯)。他们拼成了Lames(烂透的)。
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I undressed and then proceeded to throw up all over the rug.
今天，我的猫和我一起在浴室里。我脱了衣服准备冲个澡。我的猫看了看脱光了衣服之后的我，然后在小毯上吐得到处都是。
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine.When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed.He was still peeing the entire time.
今天，我从我的猫在旁边枕头上撒尿的声音中醒来。在我对它大吼之后，他跳过我的脸下了床，整个过程中它一直在尿。
... ...
所以，在生活中，你总不会是最倒霉那个。把自己倒霉的事大胆说出来，而不是埋在心里不断抱怨。大伙比比发生在自己身上倒霉的事，笑过之后，你会发现自己困扰的倒霉，似乎也不怎么样了。（来源/晚八点）
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